Living a Dream ♥

Development and Communication
Sunday, January 20, 2013 ? 1 Watchasay? ?

Hi dear blog, I know I've been taking you for granted because I have yet again failed my responsibility of updating you. huhu. So I think you deserve to know what's eating my time. It's Acads!

Development AND Communication are indeed simple words and they actually sounds good. And that's one of the reason why I wrote Development Communication in my UPCAT form. But who would think that those two simple words are one hella course when combined? Clearly, I didn't. I thought it would not be as hard as BS Math. lol

A coursemate and friend of mine one said "Mas mahirap ang Objective course kesa sa Subjective. Nakakainis lang pag di alam ng marami kung gaano kahirap ang DevComm". DEVCOMM 11, our current pain in the butt, proves her statement to be true. Grabe. Sobrang matrabaho, sobrang skill based, sobrang objective kaya todo todo rant ang friends ko sa twitter at facebook. Hahahaha.

But I guess the only way to lessen the difficulty of passing this course, one must love doing it. Free coffee and pandesal during our lab is one of the things that I love about devcomm, and the people and professors too. It's like everyone is a family and walang KJ! People are open minded, warm and friendly too.

One thing I'm starting to realize through DEVC 11 is that writing should be something you enjoy doing. I enjoy writing, I love it but because sometimes I overthink and worry too much about the technicalities of it, I lose the natural way of doing it. So last lab work, I just went with the first idea that came into my mind. I went with the way I wanted to write my experience making my own coffee and I think, for the longest time I haven't been satisfied with my performance, I felt relieved just doing it, just writing and sharing my thoughts about the experience.

So I guess writing is just being yourself. And I think I have to take DEVC 11 easy and just write and write and write, go with the flow and edit when finished. :D

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Love, Zaira ♥

Wants and Needs
Sunday, July 1, 2012 ? 0 Watchasay? ?

Here I am again, torn between what I want and what I need and what I'm so bothered about is that I don't know if what I want is good for me.

Have you ever felt that? that you're torn between what you want and what you need to do? I have felt exactly like that today, specifically this night.

I have read something somewhere that we humans have this habit of wanting things that are not really good for us. Do you agree? I do. Haaaay.

I somehow know myself and kept a letter as a reminder of what I have to keep in mind before I entered college.

So the reason why I have felt this awful today is because I'm tempted to join an organization or be a part of something bigger. I don't know, I've heard opinions that it isn't gonna benefit me. I think it's fun to ba a part of it and I think it's gonna bring me happiness. I also think it's something unique about college that I wouldn't have the opportunity to be in when I graduate.

I don't know.
I think I have lost what I felt strongly earlier tonight because my dormates keep in talking and I can't concentrate very much about writing this.

I am not really comfortable with the thought that some people, particularly people who knows me personally and gets to be with me in personal, know what my feelings and a lot about what I think.

So I'm writing this now in a very small version of a notepad because I'm concious they might get a glimpse of it.

This entry ends here, I don't have much privacy and time to think too much in here so I seldom blog or write entries. You know, there's really a certain mood a writer have to be in to be able to write completely about her feelings.

I miss writing and I miss making myself feel a lot of things. I couldn't do it in here. I'm really not comfortable exposing my emotions to people who could make a comment. Ugh, I'm happy yet uncomfortable in here. A lot of adjustments really needed.

And now this post has become too random. I apologize for that, there's just so much to say and to type yet limited time and inappopriate place to really be my serious self.

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Love, Zaira ♥

Saturday, June 16, 2012 ? 0 Watchasay? ?

I'm now writing this out of fvcking boredom.
It's too quiet here and it's just past the hour of 9.
My roommates are now asleep and I'm too shy to talk to anyone else right now.

The hardest part of now is taking a bath and changing my clothes >_<
And another con is that it's to hot but I have to wear t shirt because it's what most of them wear.

Theres a wifi but it's password protected. dafuq.

I don't know if I'll just sleep now and I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO TOMORROW. ughhhhhh. I am a good blogger now because there's no internet. harhar

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Love, Zaira ♥

Iskolar Para sa Bayan

We had our Almusalan ang Freshmen convocation this morning.
Nakakalula men! Wagas yung pila para sa almusalan tapos naguumapaw sa food! As in libre. Drinks, bread, may lugaw pa nga tas pwede ka kumuha ng kumuha ng kumuha, nanghihinayang ako di ako nagdala ng bag. Haha. As in kanina sobrang amazed ako dahil libre yung ganun karaming food! Labeled pa yung iba:D yung tipong Chuckie, McDo tapos Krispy Kreme at Jollibee.

Tapos ayun convocation na. Ang dami lang sinabi. Nakakapagod i-elaborate pa. Hahaha. Inaantok na ko. Puro kasi lakad lakad lakad tapos yung weather pa eh Uulan, aaraw. Iinit at lalamig. Wew.

Pero yun nga, the speakers all pointed out how lucky we are to be certified Isko and Iska. Ako naman kinakabahan pa sa mga klase ko na darating :D

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Love, Zaira ♥

Hello College :)

I'm off to ship my things and myself to UPLB tomorrow. I'm sad and excited at the same time. I don't know.

But right now I'm so happy and so in love with my MacBook Pro :) I would blog about everything when my blogging self isn't lazy anymore.

Haaay. I haven't even updated my story yet, I wish I'll have my motivation back.
Nakakaasar. Kasasabi ko lang sa note to self ko na hindi ako dapat tamarin. Hay.

But well, my self is stubbon :D

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Love, Zaira ♥

You Are Good Enough
Friday, June 1, 2012 ? 0 Watchasay? ?

This for is for me and lot of teens out there who feels they aren't good enough and someone is always better than them.

You know, there's this constant idea that always pops in my head and makes me feel depressed.

The idea to be someone else. The idea that they are so much better than me. The idea that makes me want to be like them.

Whenever I see a pretty girl, I sort of like "She's so pretty. I wish I'm that pretty too". Whenever I heard someone sing so good, I feel "Why is my voice like this? ughhh". Whenever I read a good story I feel insecure about the way I write.

I guess it's wrong to feel the urge to be someone else. Sometimes we think we're not good enough. Maybe we're just seeing things the wrong way. We think we're not good enough because we try to please someone who doesn't really care. We try so hard to be good enough we forget that we're enough. That we actually matter to someone. Someone finsds you pretty, someone finds you sexy, cute, smart. We are good enough.

I'm a frustrated writer *_* I write, and actually sometimes I try to have a different style in writing, but it just doesn't feel right. So I tried sticking to my style, and some people actually liked and loved my story *_* I can't even believe it =))))))) It made me feel so good about myself. I can't believe somebody actually liked it and appreciated me, or the way I write.

And it made realize some things.

I guess some teens lose their identity, or lose theirselves because they try to be someone else. All of us have insecurities, I guess even the most interesting and the most beautiful girl. I guess insecurities are what makes us not good enough, perfection is just a concept that we all try to define and somehow try to achieve.

When we're insecure about who we are, we tend to stop trying to be better and get lost in our sadness. We tend to just sit there and be miserable because we're not good enough, because we'll never gonna get things done, because we're never gonna be happy, because someone's never gonna love us. We let our insecurities eat us.

When we're insecure about what we do, we tend to stop doing it even if it makes us happy.

Someone sees you the way you are. You are good enough. Kanya kanyang taste lang naman ang tao, Maybe you should try looking at the other direction, maybe those people will see your worth and make you feel you're good enough. It's a waste of time wishing and trying to be someone else just because we think they are so much better. They have imperfections and insecurities too. Stick with who you are, it's a lot easier and people will like you and love you that way. And when you start neglecting your insecurities and start noticing those people, You'll feel great.

I'm saying this because I want to stop feeling bad about myself. And I felt great when someone told me they loved my story. :)

And when people suddenly tells me "I'm cute" I find it hard to believe then, but I guess I should believe them. Maybe I'm cute to some and not to the others. But I have to make myself believe "I'm cute" to make it more believable, and to make myself feel good.

You are beautiful. You are good enough. You just have to believe it yourself :)

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Love, Zaira ♥

Dear Zai,
Wednesday, May 30, 2012 ? 0 Watchasay? ?

You're off to College! Yay :) give yourself a shoulder pat for going after what you want and taking risks.

I hope you're realizing that this is real, this is the big thing. When you start to pack your things off to college, you're on your own. This is where you begin to shape your future and become who you've always wanted to be. I know you have big dreams, now is your chance to go after them.

Please! Wag ka ng tamarin =))) Please don't lose motivation to do the things you do. Don't lose motivation to do things you know you're good at. Just don't give up when you start feeling like a lazy-ass person you are. Please just go on, be consistent. Please! and even if you do feel down, have something to believe in. Have something to make you keep going.

I know it's going to be tough. College is fun they say, but I know you'll be expecting a lot of bumps ahead too. And when you do, re-read this letter. Keep this is your wallet or your inbox or wherever. Okay?

Here, I've made a list of things you should always keep in mind. I know you to be easily distracted and you always change your mind.

1. Don't rush things - You can't be best at something at first try. Alam ko na gusto mo ganun, gusto mo magaling ka kaagad sa isang bagay. Nawawalan ka ng pagasa kapag nakikita mong mahirap sa simula. Don't rush okay? Don't stop trying at your first error. Lunukin mo muna lahat ng insecurities mo at walang kwenta mong pride =)) Iwasan mong panghinaan ng loob. Ganun talaga di ba? It's always hard in the beginning. Lahat naman, pero kapag okay na magagawa mo na rin yan ng tama.

2. Embrace failures - Alam ko na hindi ka sanay magkamali. Hindi ka sanay na hindi ikaw ang tama. College would be different. Alam mo naman yun, maraming tao na ang nagsabi sayo. It would be full of different people and diversed opinions. Don't lose yourself among the crowd. You're going to be wrong a lot of times. You'll fail! It would hurt, like the first time you failed your Physics exam. Try to accept it. Move on and improve yourself. You know that Failure is just a part of life, ACCEPT IT AND LIVE WITH IT. Please, I hope you're tough enough to get up when you fail. Don't disappoint me. Don't disappoint yourself

3. Prioritize - habang sinusulat mo to, alam kong malinaw sa'yo ang mga priorities mo. Ang mga gusto mong maabot. Ang gusto mong maging kinabukasan. Pero naninigurado lang ako, there's gonna be a lot of things that may and will change you. Okay lang. Pero wag mong kakalimutan ang goal mo. Baka kasi mawala sa isip mo to. Ikaw pa naman, madaling ma temp ;D Basta ang priority mo is GOD, FAMILY, SCHOOL. Bahala ka na sa mga susunod. Okay?

4. STUDY HARD -  Gets mo na yan =))) Kahit maraming tukso sa kolehiyo, sige okay lang na patulan mo (pero wag lahat. Hahaha). Basta wag mo kakalimutan na pagkatapos ng gala at happy trips, may pagaaral kang dapat gawin. Okay? Please! sana wag matigas ang ulo. Sundin mo to! =)) Sorry kung sinasabi ko sa'yo to, alam ko kasi na nalulula ka pa rin sa dami ng magbabago sa college. Tandaan mo na gagraduate ka with flying colors! Gaano man kahirap makarating dun. Love your course, keep in mind what you learn. At wasan mo nang isumpa kung gaano kahirap ang pagaaral =))) Love UP.

5. Be consistent - HOY ZAI! wag kang ningas kugon ah =))) kung ano nasimulan mo, sipagan mo ng imaintain. Alam ko na alam mo na sa lahat ng bagay, sa Maintenance ka mahina. Lagi kasing ang nangyayare sayo, nawawalan ka ng gana. nawawalan ka ng motivation ibigay ang best mo sa lahat ng ginagawa mo. Please, this time don't lose it. If you do, do something to have it again.

6. Enjoy your Freedom - Malaya ka na! Haha. Alam ko na independent ka na rin naman sa sarili mo. Pero mas bongga ngayon, aalis ka na sa bahay niyo, magkakaron ka ng bagong environment, ikaw na ang hahawak ng sarili mong pera. (YAY!) Alam ko na matagal mo ng gusto gumawa ng napakaraming bagay, magsimula ng mga bagay ng hindi nagdadalawang isip dahil kailangan mo pa ng approval ng magulang mo. Enjoy your freedom because finally, you can do what you want and you already have the chance and resources to do them. Simulan mo ng ilista ang mga bagay na pagiipunan mo =))) Take advantage of this freedom for you to improve yourself, not destroy. Stay responsible.

7. Know your limitations - That's what your mom always tells you. Sundin mo siya, kahit minsan nakakainis siya. Nanay mo yun at kailangan mo siyang sundin. You're lucky to have a mom who lets you do things because she trusts you. I know you're never ever done something to defy her. And I hope you keep a clean slate till you graduate. Okay lang na magenjoy ka at gawin lahat ng gusto mo. Make mistakes! Make a lot of them. Pero siguraduhin mo na hindi nun maapektuhan ang pagaaral mo o ang kinabukasan mo. Siguraduhin mo rin na kaya mong panindigan ang kasalanan mo. Basta, know your limitations.

8. Stay grounded - Don't ever ever ever ever lose yourself. You're gonna meet a lot of people. Hear a lot opinions. Experience a lot of things. These may change you, but always remember who you are. Keep yourself in tact. WAG LALAKI ANG ULO MO! PLEASE! =)))) or WAG KANG MAGPAPADALA SA MALALAKI ANG ULO! =))) Just please, I like who you are now, if something's gonna change you in college, make sure it's for the better you.

9. Love Yourself - Bago ka magkandarapa sa mga gwapong lalake na makikilala at makikita mo sa college. Mahal mo muna sarili mo ha =)) Feeling ko kasi you don't love yourself enough. Kulang ka pa sa tiwala sa sarili mo. Sana sa college maniwala ka sa mga kakayahan mo at iwasan mong mainsecure sa mga tao at bagay sa paligid mo :)

10. Keep all these in mind :)


Don't forget home - wag kang masyadong matuwa sa kalayaan mo, umuwi ka pa rin regularly ha! =))))))))

Your Sixteen Year Old Self .

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Love, Zaira ♥

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