I'm now writing this out of fvcking boredom.
It's too quiet here and it's just past the hour of 9.
My roommates are now asleep and I'm too shy to talk to anyone else right now.

The hardest part of now is taking a bath and changing my clothes >_<
And another con is that it's to hot but I have to wear t shirt because it's what most of them wear.

Theres a wifi but it's password protected. dafuq.

I don't know if I'll just sleep now and I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO TOMORROW. ughhhhhh. I am a good blogger now because there's no internet. harhar

Labels: 11, 12, June, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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This for is for me and lot of teens out there who feels they aren't good enough and someone is always better than them.

You know, there's this constant idea that always pops in my head and makes me feel depressed.

The idea to be someone else. The idea that they are so much better than me. The idea that makes me want to be like them.

Whenever I see a pretty girl, I sort of like "She's so pretty. I wish I'm that pretty too". Whenever I heard someone sing so good, I feel "Why is my voice like this? ughhh". Whenever I read a good story I feel insecure about the way I write.

I guess it's wrong to feel the urge to be someone else. Sometimes we think we're not good enough. Maybe we're just seeing things the wrong way. We think we're not good enough because we try to please someone who doesn't really care. We try so hard to be good enough we forget that we're enough. That we actually matter to someone. Someone finsds you pretty, someone finds you sexy, cute, smart. We are good enough.

I'm a frustrated writer *_* I write, and actually sometimes I try to have a different style in writing, but it just doesn't feel right. So I tried sticking to my style, and some people actually liked and loved my story *_* I can't even believe it =))))))) It made me feel so good about myself. I can't believe somebody actually liked it and appreciated me, or the way I write.

And it made realize some things.

I guess some teens lose their identity, or lose theirselves because they try to be someone else. All of us have insecurities, I guess even the most interesting and the most beautiful girl. I guess insecurities are what makes us not good enough, perfection is just a concept that we all try to define and somehow try to achieve.

When we're insecure about who we are, we tend to stop trying to be better and get lost in our sadness. We tend to just sit there and be miserable because we're not good enough, because we'll never gonna get things done, because we're never gonna be happy, because someone's never gonna love us. We let our insecurities eat us.

When we're insecure about what we do, we tend to stop doing it even if it makes us happy.

Someone sees you the way you are. You are good enough. Kanya kanyang taste lang naman ang tao, Maybe you should try looking at the other direction, maybe those people will see your worth and make you feel you're good enough. It's a waste of time wishing and trying to be someone else just because we think they are so much better. They have imperfections and insecurities too. Stick with who you are, it's a lot easier and people will like you and love you that way. And when you start neglecting your insecurities and start noticing those people, You'll feel great.

I'm saying this because I want to stop feeling bad about myself. And I felt great when someone told me they loved my story. :)

And when people suddenly tells me "I'm cute" I find it hard to believe then, but I guess I should believe them. Maybe I'm cute to some and not to the others. But I have to make myself believe "I'm cute" to make it more believable, and to make myself feel good.

You are beautiful. You are good enough. You just have to believe it yourself :)

Labels: 12, 2, June, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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You're off to College! Yay :) give yourself a shoulder pat for going after what you want and taking risks.

I hope you're realizing that this is real, this is the big thing. When you start to pack your things off to college, you're on your own. This is where you begin to shape your future and become who you've always wanted to be. I know you have big dreams, now is your chance to go after them.

Please! Wag ka ng tamarin =))) Please don't lose motivation to do the things you do. Don't lose motivation to do things you know you're good at. Just don't give up when you start feeling like a lazy-ass person you are. Please just go on, be consistent. Please! and even if you do feel down, have something to believe in. Have something to make you keep going.

I know it's going to be tough. College is fun they say, but I know you'll be expecting a lot of bumps ahead too. And when you do, re-read this letter. Keep this is your wallet or your inbox or wherever. Okay?

Here, I've made a list of things you should always keep in mind. I know you to be easily distracted and you always change your mind.

1. Don't rush things - You can't be best at something at first try. Alam ko na gusto mo ganun, gusto mo magaling ka kaagad sa isang bagay. Nawawalan ka ng pagasa kapag nakikita mong mahirap sa simula. Don't rush okay? Don't stop trying at your first error. Lunukin mo muna lahat ng insecurities mo at walang kwenta mong pride =)) Iwasan mong panghinaan ng loob. Ganun talaga di ba? It's always hard in the beginning. Lahat naman, pero kapag okay na magagawa mo na rin yan ng tama.

2. Embrace failures - Alam ko na hindi ka sanay magkamali. Hindi ka sanay na hindi ikaw ang tama. College would be different. Alam mo naman yun, maraming tao na ang nagsabi sayo. It would be full of different people and diversed opinions. Don't lose yourself among the crowd. You're going to be wrong a lot of times. You'll fail! It would hurt, like the first time you failed your Physics exam. Try to accept it. Move on and improve yourself. You know that Failure is just a part of life, ACCEPT IT AND LIVE WITH IT. Please, I hope you're tough enough to get up when you fail. Don't disappoint me. Don't disappoint yourself

3. Prioritize - habang sinusulat mo to, alam kong malinaw sa'yo ang mga priorities mo. Ang mga gusto mong maabot. Ang gusto mong maging kinabukasan. Pero naninigurado lang ako, there's gonna be a lot of things that may and will change you. Okay lang. Pero wag mong kakalimutan ang goal mo. Baka kasi mawala sa isip mo to. Ikaw pa naman, madaling ma temp ;D Basta ang priority mo is GOD, FAMILY, SCHOOL. Bahala ka na sa mga susunod. Okay?

4. STUDY HARD -  Gets mo na yan =))) Kahit maraming tukso sa kolehiyo, sige okay lang na patulan mo (pero wag lahat. Hahaha). Basta wag mo kakalimutan na pagkatapos ng gala at happy trips, may pagaaral kang dapat gawin. Okay? Please! sana wag matigas ang ulo. Sundin mo to! =)) Sorry kung sinasabi ko sa'yo to, alam ko kasi na nalulula ka pa rin sa dami ng magbabago sa college. Tandaan mo na gagraduate ka with flying colors! Gaano man kahirap makarating dun. Love your course, keep in mind what you learn. At wasan mo nang isumpa kung gaano kahirap ang pagaaral =))) Love UP.

5. Be consistent - HOY ZAI! wag kang ningas kugon ah =))) kung ano nasimulan mo, sipagan mo ng imaintain. Alam ko na alam mo na sa lahat ng bagay, sa Maintenance ka mahina. Lagi kasing ang nangyayare sayo, nawawalan ka ng gana. nawawalan ka ng motivation ibigay ang best mo sa lahat ng ginagawa mo. Please, this time don't lose it. If you do, do something to have it again.

6. Enjoy your Freedom - Malaya ka na! Haha. Alam ko na independent ka na rin naman sa sarili mo. Pero mas bongga ngayon, aalis ka na sa bahay niyo, magkakaron ka ng bagong environment, ikaw na ang hahawak ng sarili mong pera. (YAY!) Alam ko na matagal mo ng gusto gumawa ng napakaraming bagay, magsimula ng mga bagay ng hindi nagdadalawang isip dahil kailangan mo pa ng approval ng magulang mo. Enjoy your freedom because finally, you can do what you want and you already have the chance and resources to do them. Simulan mo ng ilista ang mga bagay na pagiipunan mo =))) Take advantage of this freedom for you to improve yourself, not destroy. Stay responsible.

7. Know your limitations - That's what your mom always tells you. Sundin mo siya, kahit minsan nakakainis siya. Nanay mo yun at kailangan mo siyang sundin. You're lucky to have a mom who lets you do things because she trusts you. I know you're never ever done something to defy her. And I hope you keep a clean slate till you graduate. Okay lang na magenjoy ka at gawin lahat ng gusto mo. Make mistakes! Make a lot of them. Pero siguraduhin mo na hindi nun maapektuhan ang pagaaral mo o ang kinabukasan mo. Siguraduhin mo rin na kaya mong panindigan ang kasalanan mo. Basta, know your limitations.

8. Stay grounded - Don't ever ever ever ever lose yourself. You're gonna meet a lot of people. Hear a lot opinions. Experience a lot of things. These may change you, but always remember who you are. Keep yourself in tact. WAG LALAKI ANG ULO MO! PLEASE! =)))) or WAG KANG MAGPAPADALA SA MALALAKI ANG ULO! =))) Just please, I like who you are now, if something's gonna change you in college, make sure it's for the better you.

9. Love Yourself - Bago ka magkandarapa sa mga gwapong lalake na makikilala at makikita mo sa college. Mahal mo muna sarili mo ha =)) Feeling ko kasi you don't love yourself enough. Kulang ka pa sa tiwala sa sarili mo. Sana sa college maniwala ka sa mga kakayahan mo at iwasan mong mainsecure sa mga tao at bagay sa paligid mo :)

10. Keep all these in mind :)


P.S.

Don't forget home - wag kang masyadong matuwa sa kalayaan mo, umuwi ka pa rin regularly ha! =))))))))



Love,
Your Sixteen Year Old Self .

Labels: 12, 31, College, May, Personal, UPLB

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Labels: Mother's Day, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Last Friday night was zooooo ahmazing. Hahahaha. May 12 was Joanne Alyssa Plata's birthday. She's my classmate and we're just a few steps away. harhar.



The Birthdaaay Girl <3 I woke up around two pm and hurriedly took a bath because I'm already running late. Pero pagdating ko dun wala pa mga kaklase ko :D So Jeric and I went to VJ and Rinze's house. Mejo madami na kami. Kumain na kami and kulitan. Sobrang iniiit! Hahahaha.

Labels: 12, Friends, fun, May, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Labels: Personal, thoughts

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Labels: 12, 8, daily, May, Personal, UPLB

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Labels: 12, 7, daily, May, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Labels: 12, 6, daily, love, May, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Labels: Personal, school, UP

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Wow. Blogger had a new face. Magbabalik ako ;D Actually kaya lang naman ako dumalang dito kasi lagi na lang nageerror tuwing magpopost ako. Blogger is my first love and I'm coming back. Magpopost pa rin ako sa Tumblr pero hindi ko talaga feel mag blog dun :D goooood to be back :)

Labels: Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Yes, I know. I've made a promise to myself that I'd be active in this blog for 2011, but it is very obvious that I have failed once again. :)))

Oh well, the reason why I haven't updated this blog for months is because blogger has been a beeatch to me, as well as our internet connection :D Isang buwan dn kaming nawalan for the month of April. And because it's been too long since I've updated, I've got tons of kweeeentos to share. But those kwentos would be on different entries. Masyado kasi ako magulo magkwento, mahirap igets. =)))

So the errors I've encountered with blogger started when I can't log in and I can't post an entry. My last post was about my `feeling` and negative thoughts about school and my emotionalness lol which are obviously dissolved now :DD So ayun, yung nakaprepare na entry ko about our annual field trip and my 3rd grading grades went to the recycle bin :DD haha! but I'll try to make a new one! I'LL TRY! :)

For a starter, I would like to make kwento from the most recent to the oldest. hrhr :DD And I would kwento what happened yesterday.

I didn't have review classes yesterday so Dad decided to watch Pirates of the Caribbean; On stranger Tides and it was aaaaawesome. Jack Sparrow was still hilarious as ever. :D Then we ate dinner at RaiRai Ken and the night was almost perfect, until! of course there's always something that ruins a good night. haay.




When we were on the way home, may nabangga kami! gosh it was nervewrecking. Alam mo yung feeling na nafeel mo kung ano yung feeling ng mga nakaranas ng car accident. GRABE! Nung biglang preno parang lumabas yung puso ko sa kaba. Luckily, the pressure wasn't that strong because my uncle, who was driving, isn't driving that fast. Edi nung may tumawid na nakabike nag *beeeeeeeeeeeep* ng matagal at malakas yung tito ko, pero ayun! bumangga pa rin Fortunately hindi malakas yung impact dahil nakapreno kaagad so hindi tumalsik yung tao, pero natumba. Grabe! grabe yung kaba namin, So my dad went out of the car to check on the man. Syempre kami kinakabahan na rin kung ano nangyare dun sa mama, bumaba din kami. Then Me, my bro and his gf saw that the man was drunk.! Grabe! And he didn't asked for anything, Bilhan lang daw siya ng gamot for his gasgas. But we didn't have any medecines with us so my Dad has to buy pa, ayun nagpaiwan kami dun ng kapatid ko and my mom.

While waiting, the man kept talking, kept on reasoning na wala naman daw siyang hinihinging kahit ano, gamot lang. He kep on telling us na `hindi na nga ho ako nagrereklamo` bla bla bla bla.

So the bitch of me, nainis. Db nakakainis yung pangangatwiran niya? It's as if he's implying that we should be thankful he has no plans of suing us. And I'm like, WTF. LASING KA TATAWID KA? SO WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL NA BUHAY KA PA. In that exact moment, lahat ng awa na naramdaman ko nung mabangga siya naglaho. grabe.

And that's not all, he kept on blabbing and blabbing! Eto yung mga sinabi niya.
"SOP po talaga yun, khit sinong driver kapag may nabangga responsibilidad niya yun. Patay man o buhay"
"Hindi ko po talaga nakita na may paparating na sasakyan kaya tumawid ako"

And I'm like, THE FUCK, talagang wala kang makikita dahil lasing ka. And who in his right mind would cross the road drunk? grabe! then isisisi mo dun sa sasakyan na tinamaan ka? eh malayo pa lang bumusina na. Grabe, yung kapatid ko nanlilisik na yung mata dahil gusto nang sapakin. He also kept on insisting na bingannga siya! grabe! Pasalamat siya hindi truck yung nakabangga sa kanya. I also said na `Kuya Hi-Way po ito, kelan po ba nawalan ng sasakyang ang kalsada? Para niyo na ring sinabing wag tumawid ang may paa`

Tapos ayun, napikon ata saken dahil ang pilosopo ko, I was so pissed with him I literally tell jokes to myself para lang tuloy pa rin ang smile ko. Katwiran pa niya na kasalanan yung ng nagdadrive tuwing may nababangga dahil may preno yung sasakyan. Edi para na rin niyang sinabing `pwedeng tumawid ang lasing dahil kahit anong mangyare may preno ang sasakyan`. Grabe. Imagine the mentalism of most Filipinos? SOBRANG BALUKTOT.

I also asked him `kuya may problema ka ba?` and he said "marami, may problema dn kayo kung namatay ako", nung time na yun sabi ng isip ko `putangina pala to ee. gusto lang mamatay mamemerwisyo pa`

That moment naisip ko na kaya hindi umaasenso ang Pilipinas. Naghihilahan tayo pababa. Yung mga mahihirap iniisip nila na mahirap sila, wala na silang pagasa. Kaya ayun, iinom, magbibisyo, magiging pabigat sa pamilya, sa bayan, sa lipunan. Isisisi sa lahat ang kalagayan nila, pero hindi sa sarili nila. Kanya kanya kasi tayong hugas ng kamay ee. kanya kanyang turuan, walang handang umako ng responsibilidad. Kasi kung marerealize ng mga pilipino na hindi ang gobyerno and may sagot sa lahat, nasa kanila na mismo. Pero Hindi, NASA BABA SILA, MANGHIHILA PA. SILA ANG MALI, SILA PA ANG GALIT.

Wala. Hindi tayo aasenso.

Masyadong inabuso ang demokrasya. Oo alam nating may Human Rights tayo, May freedom of speech. But that doesn't give us the rights to use these to destroy or hurt other people. Oo karapatan ng mga nasasagasaan na panagutan sila ng nakasagasa, but that doesn't give them the right to recklessly cross the road because they knew that whatever happens wala silang pananagutan. But didn't they thought about the lives they would destroy together with theirs just because they're tired living?

Tssk. Fucked up Mentality.

Nakakalungkot lang din sa mga simpleng manggagawa tulad ng mga drivers na napapariwara ang buhay dahil sa mga taong wala nang pakealam sa magiging resulta ng mga kagaguhan nila. hay.

So I'm gonna stop here. I just wanna share what I though about these kinds of people and I wanna tell you that I'm Pro RH Bill.


Till then, Bloggers :)

Labels: Everday, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too emotional or paranoid about things that cause me to feel this horrible. Sometimes I try so hard not to feel alone by trying to tell myself `it's not what it seems to be` that maybe, I just misinterpret their actions.

Have you ever felt that way too? You're with a lot of people yet it seems you're alone? That you're sort of caged away? or do you think you're just the one who build up walls?

I am aware that I don't have a bestfriend - though some people tells me thay we're bestrfirends - I just don't feel THE bestfriend with them, my bestfriend. The only bestfriend I consider is my mom, Someone who likes me because of me and not because of what I can do. I have a lot of closefriends, but there are times that they don't feel that way anymore.

It sucks to be in my situation, I'm like a log on a river, just going with the flow of everything. Everyone is my friend, but I often feel left out. I can be friends with her, with them, with anyone. But times come that they're all friends and I don't have anyone. :( I'm always an exeption to the group, I don't have permanent groupmates and partners and bla bla so when the teacher tells us to group ourselves I just wait for those who's incomplete or left out too.

I started to feel this way again with the fieldtrip thing. They were all like asking everyone `sasama ka?` but me? They didn't even dare to ask me. Alam mo yung feeling na minsan gusto mo namang may magtanong kung okay ka? :(

One thing that sucks for being strong is that everyone thinks you'll stay strong. ALL THE TIME. It sucks to play along when the truth is, you're effin tired of being strong, and no one cares if you're breaking down already.

I'm tired being their spare tire, they'll just invite me when they feel obliged, they'll just include to fill up one's seat. I'm always a freakin chance passenger. :( It sucks.

I'll continue playing along, I wouldn't dare give them the idea that people like them, who can't even appreciate me, affects me this much. The only thing I regret is that I've let myself care for people who doesn't even give a damn if I existed or not. I'll just hope that soon enough, I'll get the chance to be with people who won't let me feel like trash.

If this feeling is just a misinterpretation of what I see, then all I can say is that they can't tell me what to feel, prior to what they show me.

Labels: Friends, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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I know my posts are already late because I'm catching up for updates in my life :)

Our New Year was awesome, though not that great, it was better than any one else's. No one lost a finger, no one was hurt and everybody happy.

The day before Dec 31 we were so not prepared and just doing the same normal things. Then on the exact day, my ever awesome mom found a way to have something on our table :D I was even surprised that we have Lechon :D Kahit ulo lang, lechon pa din yun :)





We've got the bar which I was supposed to drink with my Kuya but he decided to have beer instead so I was left with the bar. haha :))) We started around 8pm and was a bit tipsy by 10 so I stopped for a while to let the `tama` go down my system because I don't wanna welcome the year asleep :D

Yeah I was red and hyper :DDD lololol.

We didn't have that much paputok and Edrian wasn't also with us because he decided to stay in Pampanga for New Year, so yeah, It's a bit sad. We just had fun watching fireworks because Mom didn't buy any for the sake of practicality. Sayang nga naman ang pera kung pagkatapos ng paputok wala na :D


After Midnight everything was the same again. haha :)) The streets went quiet and I guess they all went inside their homes like us. Unfortunately for me, My tummy ached so much that made me too uncomfortable to sleep :D Blame the Bar and my pulutan. haha, but my mom said hangin daw siguro kasi tawa ako ng tawa. Thank God that I was able to sleep around 4am because the ache subsided, next morning I was back on finishing my projects again because classes resume on Jan 3 :D

Labels: Family, Holiday, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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YAY, I wanna start this year right by trying to revive my blogging spirits. First stop is that I've finally changed my layout and my default pic. hoho :) I'll also change my about me sections as soon as I can.

So this post will be about our Christmas Party Celebration.

Dec 13-15: It's our Periodicals and we had a very long line-up of deadline but as usual, it seems that I'm the only one who's too stressed about it in our group. Can you imagine to have your Social Studies deadline at the exact day of your Christmas Party? FML. So those days were cram cram cram :))) I have one very effective technique in cramming. `Sleep is all you need` coz if you study when you're sleepy, nothing goes into your head. :D So I was like `fuck this. I'm gonna finish this project then sleep` :))) Tapos kinabukasan na ako magrereview :D Thank God I'm exempted in some subjects as incentives to our recent activities.

On the last day of exam, I was too pissed with Lorielle and Crystel who was acting all so great in decorating and planning about our Christmas Party and almost forgot that I'm the president of the class, so yeah, I gave them the privelage of carrying that responsibility. Bahala sila, wala akong pake. So I went home early because I still have nothing to wear. It was a day of dissapointments. Really, but I don't want to tell it anymote :)

Dec 16; We woke up early because my mom and I attended the Simbang Gabi. I was the first to get up - because of excitement, maybe - then my mom. At the Church I was so sleepy very sleepy that I slept almost half of the mass but of course I listened to the homily. On our way home my mom and I just walked because we still have to drop by the market and buy ingredients for carbonara which was my assigned dish for the party. When we got home I excitedly took a bath and did all the rituals and bla bla bla for the party.

I arrived at the party early and it wasn't what I was expecting, really. It screams boring all over the place :)))) then I told the one in charge, Crystel, what was the agenda for the day and she told me she hasn't made any and all of those excuses. Kesyo hindi na nga siya nakatulog ng ayos and bla bla bla, so my usual self got pissed and rant and rant at the back of my mind. I was thinking `what the hell was that excuse? you volunteered to organize this, now you're complaining that you haven't slept yet?` So she'll just sabotage the party? ugh! I tried to pull some strings, make some plans and thankfully the videoke already arrived so we decided to start. Then at the climax of our Adrenalines, it suddenly blocked out! YEAH, and we found out that the office cut the main power because there's too many videokes and the outlets might not accomadate all of it. We were like `what the hell? It's not the first year to bring Videokes in and how can you call this a Party without electricity? :(

Labels: Friends, Personal, school

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Today is the last day of 2010 and the last day of this decade. So this is probably my last post, of course. I am deeply sorry for not posting any entry this past few weeks or even months because of some teenage bullshit that occured to me.

I think I've lost my sense of blogging. I got lazy, almost on everything, it's like my mind went to a long pause that everytime an idea comes to my mind, a part of it shuts it down and I end up being `sabaw` :)

I've been through a lot of emotional stress lately that I can't find a way to summarize, really. And I think It's the reason why I can't make a decent post with one thought. Okay, Tama na :D basta masyado akong nasabaw :D

Moving forward, I would tell you about how I spent this christmas.
I would say that this year has been the loneliest and the worst year yet to come because it's been a roller coaster ride. From school to everything I've been through a lot. I've been thinking a lot about what I want for my life, about the decisions I have made and decisions I have to think of.

Christmas this year didn't feel like christmas at all, during Christmas eve I went outside our house and felt nothing, The houses were dull and the ambience was just too lonely and very different from the previous Christmases. I reminisced a lot of memories, of how we spent our christmas the other years, of how different it was. I also thought what would it be like if my dad was here to celebrate with us.

I was almost sad and furious with our overall situation this christmas because my mom was almost broke and I can seriously feel the world crisis everyone is suffering too. Our Noche Buena was just the basics, nothing glamorious unlike our last years and basta, It's too hard to describe how dull it was, but nevertheless we were able to pull it off. My mom told me it's okay at least we're still lucky to have something to eat and to be able to celebrate it with the family. We're still lucky to have food on our table.

After Christmas my dad's package came so viola :)) party party :DD lol, we've got lots of supplies again so It wasn't that sad afterall eh :) The next day we went to Pampanga to visit our lola and my cousins too :D Nanay was still the same and we thank god that she's still here with us, still strong ang kicking :D We stayed there for two days just talking about Nanay's frustration about my Uncles Family and my elder cousin who's taking the wrong decisions in life. So all in all, our family is hanging by a thread since my lolo died :( and my cousing and I were just remiscing how good life was before, how happy we still were when lolo was still here. ah, good times. :)

Happy New Year Everyone :) I still got a lot of pending entries and I don't want to mix it all up with one entry so see you all next year :)

Labels: Family, Holiday, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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I know I've been too busy to be with you but I want you to know that life has been good these past days and I don't want you to feel neglected. I promise to keep you, for as long as I can because you've been there during the darkest days of my teenage life. I'll never delete you. Promise. Yes I may update you once in a while but what you have is something no one, even my friends do, and I'm gonna keep you. Maybe I'll show you publicly to my real life affiliates a second before I die.

You're one of the best things I have and I'm gonna stick with you no matter how many better sites would come.

Love,
Zaira

Labels: blog, letter, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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The normal plan which was a movie marathon turned out to be an ICING BASH! :))) It started when my mom popped in and told everyone they have to sing Happy Birthday! :)) and you know that awkward feeling when everyone's singing you a happy birthday! haha :D I blew the cake and wished then got a knife to cut the cake but the moment it was put down! They dug their fingers in and started wiping everybody's face with icing! :))))))))))




After that the party just got more intense. hahahaha :)) laugh trip and shouting because we switched the movie to Nightmare on Elm's street :D

When the girls started to say bye I wanted to cry but did not. I just really missed gill and the day was so awesome to end. The girld went first and the boys decided to finish the movie and oh god :))) something almost happened I just can't find any words to describe it. haha.




Sorry if this post is way too late and I have another post upcoming :D

Labels: birthday, Friends, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Overall my day was good, I just felt a little weird after lunch. Ang panget kasi ng panahon, I often don't feel well lately :D and the only bad thing is that the person I was expecting to care more doesn't and those whom I don't even expect to remember were the ones to greet me first, akalain mo si Lorielle yung unang sumalubong sa`kin kaninang umaga to hug me and say Happy Birthday? aww, I was actually expecting some of my closest friends, but they seem to forget. Nagulat pa nga sila and said, `ay oo nga pala, birthday ni Zai` >.<>

Labels: birthday, Family, Personal

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Love, Zaira ♥

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I miss blogging, but I'm back on the state of not knowing what to blog again. hihi :))

Labels: Friends, Personal, school

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Love, Zaira ♥

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Older Post

Hello Earthlings! I'm human just like you~



She loves life. She loves herself <3 She keeps in mind her positive thoughts because it makes things easier. She loves daydreaming & Rainbows. She Smiles. Always.

She's the type of girl who's cheerful and playful and topakin but keeps herself in a shell of seriousness and maturity.

She used to be careless of what others might feel with what she says, but one day she decided to SHUT up and BLOG it all <3 She knows that the people who reads her blog are one of a kind and doesn't judge.

She Blogs because when she grows old and have her own family. She'll have a token of how she lived her life.



Fast facts
Angelyn Zaira Monarca Morales
Known as ZAI. Don't call me Angelyn! ;D 16 years young.
Filipino ♥
A certified Iska in UPLB studying Development Communication
I love blogging, reading, sleeeeping and eating ;D
My favorite sport is SURFING... SURFING THE NET ;D
Contact Me:

Wishlish ♥


▪ A Prince Charming. Haha
▪ A trip to Paris
▪ iPhone 4
iPad 2 :)
▪ PURPLE ROOM
▪ Learn how to use the Photoshop :|
▪ Adobe Photoshop CS4 :D
▪ I want to pass the UPCAT.
▪ Pink scooter =))
▪ Baby sister :((
▪ PEPPER SPRAY,
▪ Condominium unit.
▪ A Wardrobe full of new clothes.
▪ Happy Ending.

2nei | Aerine | Adads | Alena | Alona | Alyssa | Arvin | Ayuuuh | Aya | Becs | Cae | Candice | Caren | Cheeza | Chichi | Clauie | Danica | Deann | Dylan | Edz | Ella | Erin | Francesca | Gax | Graxxie | Hannah | Irish | Janica | Jat | Jela | Jeng | Jessan | Jhoi | Jhuls | Julienne | Katrice | Kei | Keila | Kezia | Kgennadi | Kiche | Kimi | Kristina | Leyn | Lissy | Liz | Lollii | Marly | Mia | Miki | Natz | Nice | Nikka | Nikki | Padge | Pam | Poleng | Shai | share with you | Shei | Sherien | Steff | Tepai | Tinie | Toni | Trisha | Umi | Wawa | Yvette | Yne | Xyla | QuotesBox | Bianca Gonzales |

I'm now writing this out of fvcking boredom.
It's too quiet here and it's just past the hour of 9.
My roommates are now asleep and I'm too shy to talk to anyone else right now.

The hardest part of now is taking a bath and changing my clothes >_<
And another con is that it's to hot but I have to wear t shirt because it's what most of them wear.

Theres a wifi but it's password protected. dafuq.

I don't know if I'll just sleep now and I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO TOMORROW. ughhhhhh. I am a good blogger now because there's no internet. harhar

Labels: 11, 12, June, Personal

This for is for me and lot of teens out there who feels they aren't good enough and someone is always better than them.

You know, there's this constant idea that always pops in my head and makes me feel depressed.

The idea to be someone else. The idea that they are so much better than me. The idea that makes me want to be like them.

Whenever I see a pretty girl, I sort of like "She's so pretty. I wish I'm that pretty too". Whenever I heard someone sing so good, I feel "Why is my voice like this? ughhh". Whenever I read a good story I feel insecure about the way I write.

I guess it's wrong to feel the urge to be someone else. Sometimes we think we're not good enough. Maybe we're just seeing things the wrong way. We think we're not good enough because we try to please someone who doesn't really care. We try so hard to be good enough we forget that we're enough. That we actually matter to someone. Someone finsds you pretty, someone finds you sexy, cute, smart. We are good enough.

I'm a frustrated writer *_* I write, and actually sometimes I try to have a different style in writing, but it just doesn't feel right. So I tried sticking to my style, and some people actually liked and loved my story *_* I can't even believe it =))))))) It made me feel so good about myself. I can't believe somebody actually liked it and appreciated me, or the way I write.

And it made realize some things.

I guess some teens lose their identity, or lose theirselves because they try to be someone else. All of us have insecurities, I guess even the most interesting and the most beautiful girl. I guess insecurities are what makes us not good enough, perfection is just a concept that we all try to define and somehow try to achieve.

When we're insecure about who we are, we tend to stop trying to be better and get lost in our sadness. We tend to just sit there and be miserable because we're not good enough, because we'll never gonna get things done, because we're never gonna be happy, because someone's never gonna love us. We let our insecurities eat us.

When we're insecure about what we do, we tend to stop doing it even if it makes us happy.

Someone sees you the way you are. You are good enough. Kanya kanyang taste lang naman ang tao, Maybe you should try looking at the other direction, maybe those people will see your worth and make you feel you're good enough. It's a waste of time wishing and trying to be someone else just because we think they are so much better. They have imperfections and insecurities too. Stick with who you are, it's a lot easier and people will like you and love you that way. And when you start neglecting your insecurities and start noticing those people, You'll feel great.

I'm saying this because I want to stop feeling bad about myself. And I felt great when someone told me they loved my story. :)

And when people suddenly tells me "I'm cute" I find it hard to believe then, but I guess I should believe them. Maybe I'm cute to some and not to the others. But I have to make myself believe "I'm cute" to make it more believable, and to make myself feel good.

You are beautiful. You are good enough. You just have to believe it yourself :)

Labels: 12, 2, June, Personal

You're off to College! Yay :) give yourself a shoulder pat for going after what you want and taking risks.

I hope you're realizing that this is real, this is the big thing. When you start to pack your things off to college, you're on your own. This is where you begin to shape your future and become who you've always wanted to be. I know you have big dreams, now is your chance to go after them.

Please! Wag ka ng tamarin =))) Please don't lose motivation to do the things you do. Don't lose motivation to do things you know you're good at. Just don't give up when you start feeling like a lazy-ass person you are. Please just go on, be consistent. Please! and even if you do feel down, have something to believe in. Have something to make you keep going.

I know it's going to be tough. College is fun they say, but I know you'll be expecting a lot of bumps ahead too. And when you do, re-read this letter. Keep this is your wallet or your inbox or wherever. Okay?

Here, I've made a list of things you should always keep in mind. I know you to be easily distracted and you always change your mind.

1. Don't rush things - You can't be best at something at first try. Alam ko na gusto mo ganun, gusto mo magaling ka kaagad sa isang bagay. Nawawalan ka ng pagasa kapag nakikita mong mahirap sa simula. Don't rush okay? Don't stop trying at your first error. Lunukin mo muna lahat ng insecurities mo at walang kwenta mong pride =)) Iwasan mong panghinaan ng loob. Ganun talaga di ba? It's always hard in the beginning. Lahat naman, pero kapag okay na magagawa mo na rin yan ng tama.

2. Embrace failures - Alam ko na hindi ka sanay magkamali. Hindi ka sanay na hindi ikaw ang tama. College would be different. Alam mo naman yun, maraming tao na ang nagsabi sayo. It would be full of different people and diversed opinions. Don't lose yourself among the crowd. You're going to be wrong a lot of times. You'll fail! It would hurt, like the first time you failed your Physics exam. Try to accept it. Move on and improve yourself. You know that Failure is just a part of life, ACCEPT IT AND LIVE WITH IT. Please, I hope you're tough enough to get up when you fail. Don't disappoint me. Don't disappoint yourself

3. Prioritize - habang sinusulat mo to, alam kong malinaw sa'yo ang mga priorities mo. Ang mga gusto mong maabot. Ang gusto mong maging kinabukasan. Pero naninigurado lang ako, there's gonna be a lot of things that may and will change you. Okay lang. Pero wag mong kakalimutan ang goal mo. Baka kasi mawala sa isip mo to. Ikaw pa naman, madaling ma temp ;D Basta ang priority mo is GOD, FAMILY, SCHOOL. Bahala ka na sa mga susunod. Okay?

4. STUDY HARD -  Gets mo na yan =))) Kahit maraming tukso sa kolehiyo, sige okay lang na patulan mo (pero wag lahat. Hahaha). Basta wag mo kakalimutan na pagkatapos ng gala at happy trips, may pagaaral kang dapat gawin. Okay? Please! sana wag matigas ang ulo. Sundin mo to! =)) Sorry kung sinasabi ko sa'yo to, alam ko kasi na nalulula ka pa rin sa dami ng magbabago sa college. Tandaan mo na gagraduate ka with flying colors! Gaano man kahirap makarating dun. Love your course, keep in mind what you learn. At wasan mo nang isumpa kung gaano kahirap ang pagaaral =))) Love UP.

5. Be consistent - HOY ZAI! wag kang ningas kugon ah =))) kung ano nasimulan mo, sipagan mo ng imaintain. Alam ko na alam mo na sa lahat ng bagay, sa Maintenance ka mahina. Lagi kasing ang nangyayare sayo, nawawalan ka ng gana. nawawalan ka ng motivation ibigay ang best mo sa lahat ng ginagawa mo. Please, this time don't lose it. If you do, do something to have it again.

6. Enjoy your Freedom - Malaya ka na! Haha. Alam ko na independent ka na rin naman sa sarili mo. Pero mas bongga ngayon, aalis ka na sa bahay niyo, magkakaron ka ng bagong environment, ikaw na ang hahawak ng sarili mong pera. (YAY!) Alam ko na matagal mo ng gusto gumawa ng napakaraming bagay, magsimula ng mga bagay ng hindi nagdadalawang isip dahil kailangan mo pa ng approval ng magulang mo. Enjoy your freedom because finally, you can do what you want and you already have the chance and resources to do them. Simulan mo ng ilista ang mga bagay na pagiipunan mo =))) Take advantage of this freedom for you to improve yourself, not destroy. Stay responsible.

7. Know your limitations - That's what your mom always tells you. Sundin mo siya, kahit minsan nakakainis siya. Nanay mo yun at kailangan mo siyang sundin. You're lucky to have a mom who lets you do things because she trusts you. I know you're never ever done something to defy her. And I hope you keep a clean slate till you graduate. Okay lang na magenjoy ka at gawin lahat ng gusto mo. Make mistakes! Make a lot of them. Pero siguraduhin mo na hindi nun maapektuhan ang pagaaral mo o ang kinabukasan mo. Siguraduhin mo rin na kaya mong panindigan ang kasalanan mo. Basta, know your limitations.

8. Stay grounded - Don't ever ever ever ever lose yourself. You're gonna meet a lot of people. Hear a lot opinions. Experience a lot of things. These may change you, but always remember who you are. Keep yourself in tact. WAG LALAKI ANG ULO MO! PLEASE! =)))) or WAG KANG MAGPAPADALA SA MALALAKI ANG ULO! =))) Just please, I like who you are now, if something's gonna change you in college, make sure it's for the better you.

9. Love Yourself - Bago ka magkandarapa sa mga gwapong lalake na makikilala at makikita mo sa college. Mahal mo muna sarili mo ha =)) Feeling ko kasi you don't love yourself enough. Kulang ka pa sa tiwala sa sarili mo. Sana sa college maniwala ka sa mga kakayahan mo at iwasan mong mainsecure sa mga tao at bagay sa paligid mo :)

10. Keep all these in mind :)


P.S.

Don't forget home - wag kang masyadong matuwa sa kalayaan mo, umuwi ka pa rin regularly ha! =))))))))



Love,
Your Sixteen Year Old Self .

Labels: 12, 31, College, May, Personal, UPLB

Labels: Mother's Day, Personal

Last Friday night was zooooo ahmazing. Hahahaha. May 12 was Joanne Alyssa Plata's birthday. She's my classmate and we're just a few steps away. harhar.



The Birthdaaay Girl <3 I woke up around two pm and hurriedly took a bath because I'm already running late. Pero pagdating ko dun wala pa mga kaklase ko :D So Jeric and I went to VJ and Rinze's house. Mejo madami na kami. Kumain na kami and kulitan. Sobrang iniiit! Hahahaha.

Labels: 12, Friends, fun, May, Personal

Labels: Personal, thoughts

Labels: 12, 8, daily, May, Personal, UPLB

Labels: 12, 7, daily, May, Personal

Labels: 12, 6, daily, love, May, Personal

Labels: Personal, school, UP

Wow. Blogger had a new face. Magbabalik ako ;D Actually kaya lang naman ako dumalang dito kasi lagi na lang nageerror tuwing magpopost ako. Blogger is my first love and I'm coming back. Magpopost pa rin ako sa Tumblr pero hindi ko talaga feel mag blog dun :D goooood to be back :)

Labels: Personal

Yes, I know. I've made a promise to myself that I'd be active in this blog for 2011, but it is very obvious that I have failed once again. :)))

Oh well, the reason why I haven't updated this blog for months is because blogger has been a beeatch to me, as well as our internet connection :D Isang buwan dn kaming nawalan for the month of April. And because it's been too long since I've updated, I've got tons of kweeeentos to share. But those kwentos would be on different entries. Masyado kasi ako magulo magkwento, mahirap igets. =)))

So the errors I've encountered with blogger started when I can't log in and I can't post an entry. My last post was about my `feeling` and negative thoughts about school and my emotionalness lol which are obviously dissolved now :DD So ayun, yung nakaprepare na entry ko about our annual field trip and my 3rd grading grades went to the recycle bin :DD haha! but I'll try to make a new one! I'LL TRY! :)

For a starter, I would like to make kwento from the most recent to the oldest. hrhr :DD And I would kwento what happened yesterday.

I didn't have review classes yesterday so Dad decided to watch Pirates of the Caribbean; On stranger Tides and it was aaaaawesome. Jack Sparrow was still hilarious as ever. :D Then we ate dinner at RaiRai Ken and the night was almost perfect, until! of course there's always something that ruins a good night. haay.




When we were on the way home, may nabangga kami! gosh it was nervewrecking. Alam mo yung feeling na nafeel mo kung ano yung feeling ng mga nakaranas ng car accident. GRABE! Nung biglang preno parang lumabas yung puso ko sa kaba. Luckily, the pressure wasn't that strong because my uncle, who was driving, isn't driving that fast. Edi nung may tumawid na nakabike nag *beeeeeeeeeeeep* ng matagal at malakas yung tito ko, pero ayun! bumangga pa rin Fortunately hindi malakas yung impact dahil nakapreno kaagad so hindi tumalsik yung tao, pero natumba. Grabe! grabe yung kaba namin, So my dad went out of the car to check on the man. Syempre kami kinakabahan na rin kung ano nangyare dun sa mama, bumaba din kami. Then Me, my bro and his gf saw that the man was drunk.! Grabe! And he didn't asked for anything, Bilhan lang daw siya ng gamot for his gasgas. But we didn't have any medecines with us so my Dad has to buy pa, ayun nagpaiwan kami dun ng kapatid ko and my mom.

While waiting, the man kept talking, kept on reasoning na wala naman daw siyang hinihinging kahit ano, gamot lang. He kep on telling us na `hindi na nga ho ako nagrereklamo` bla bla bla bla.

So the bitch of me, nainis. Db nakakainis yung pangangatwiran niya? It's as if he's implying that we should be thankful he has no plans of suing us. And I'm like, WTF. LASING KA TATAWID KA? SO WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL NA BUHAY KA PA. In that exact moment, lahat ng awa na naramdaman ko nung mabangga siya naglaho. grabe.

And that's not all, he kept on blabbing and blabbing! Eto yung mga sinabi niya.
"SOP po talaga yun, khit sinong driver kapag may nabangga responsibilidad niya yun. Patay man o buhay"
"Hindi ko po talaga nakita na may paparating na sasakyan kaya tumawid ako"

And I'm like, THE FUCK, talagang wala kang makikita dahil lasing ka. And who in his right mind would cross the road drunk? grabe! then isisisi mo dun sa sasakyan na tinamaan ka? eh malayo pa lang bumusina na. Grabe, yung kapatid ko nanlilisik na yung mata dahil gusto nang sapakin. He also kept on insisting na bingannga siya! grabe! Pasalamat siya hindi truck yung nakabangga sa kanya. I also said na `Kuya Hi-Way po ito, kelan po ba nawalan ng sasakyang ang kalsada? Para niyo na ring sinabing wag tumawid ang may paa`

Tapos ayun, napikon ata saken dahil ang pilosopo ko, I was so pissed with him I literally tell jokes to myself para lang tuloy pa rin ang smile ko. Katwiran pa niya na kasalanan yung ng nagdadrive tuwing may nababangga dahil may preno yung sasakyan. Edi para na rin niyang sinabing `pwedeng tumawid ang lasing dahil kahit anong mangyare may preno ang sasakyan`. Grabe. Imagine the mentalism of most Filipinos? SOBRANG BALUKTOT.

I also asked him `kuya may problema ka ba?` and he said "marami, may problema dn kayo kung namatay ako", nung time na yun sabi ng isip ko `putangina pala to ee. gusto lang mamatay mamemerwisyo pa`

That moment naisip ko na kaya hindi umaasenso ang Pilipinas. Naghihilahan tayo pababa. Yung mga mahihirap iniisip nila na mahirap sila, wala na silang pagasa. Kaya ayun, iinom, magbibisyo, magiging pabigat sa pamilya, sa bayan, sa lipunan. Isisisi sa lahat ang kalagayan nila, pero hindi sa sarili nila. Kanya kanya kasi tayong hugas ng kamay ee. kanya kanyang turuan, walang handang umako ng responsibilidad. Kasi kung marerealize ng mga pilipino na hindi ang gobyerno and may sagot sa lahat, nasa kanila na mismo. Pero Hindi, NASA BABA SILA, MANGHIHILA PA. SILA ANG MALI, SILA PA ANG GALIT.

Wala. Hindi tayo aasenso.

Masyadong inabuso ang demokrasya. Oo alam nating may Human Rights tayo, May freedom of speech. But that doesn't give us the rights to use these to destroy or hurt other people. Oo karapatan ng mga nasasagasaan na panagutan sila ng nakasagasa, but that doesn't give them the right to recklessly cross the road because they knew that whatever happens wala silang pananagutan. But didn't they thought about the lives they would destroy together with theirs just because they're tired living?

Tssk. Fucked up Mentality.

Nakakalungkot lang din sa mga simpleng manggagawa tulad ng mga drivers na napapariwara ang buhay dahil sa mga taong wala nang pakealam sa magiging resulta ng mga kagaguhan nila. hay.

So I'm gonna stop here. I just wanna share what I though about these kinds of people and I wanna tell you that I'm Pro RH Bill.


Till then, Bloggers :)

Labels: Everday, Personal

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too emotional or paranoid about things that cause me to feel this horrible. Sometimes I try so hard not to feel alone by trying to tell myself `it's not what it seems to be` that maybe, I just misinterpret their actions.

Have you ever felt that way too? You're with a lot of people yet it seems you're alone? That you're sort of caged away? or do you think you're just the one who build up walls?

I am aware that I don't have a bestfriend - though some people tells me thay we're bestrfirends - I just don't feel THE bestfriend with them, my bestfriend. The only bestfriend I consider is my mom, Someone who likes me because of me and not because of what I can do. I have a lot of closefriends, but there are times that they don't feel that way anymore.

It sucks to be in my situation, I'm like a log on a river, just going with the flow of everything. Everyone is my friend, but I often feel left out. I can be friends with her, with them, with anyone. But times come that they're all friends and I don't have anyone. :( I'm always an exeption to the group, I don't have permanent groupmates and partners and bla bla so when the teacher tells us to group ourselves I just wait for those who's incomplete or left out too.

I started to feel this way again with the fieldtrip thing. They were all like asking everyone `sasama ka?` but me? They didn't even dare to ask me. Alam mo yung feeling na minsan gusto mo namang may magtanong kung okay ka? :(

One thing that sucks for being strong is that everyone thinks you'll stay strong. ALL THE TIME. It sucks to play along when the truth is, you're effin tired of being strong, and no one cares if you're breaking down already.

I'm tired being their spare tire, they'll just invite me when they feel obliged, they'll just include to fill up one's seat. I'm always a freakin chance passenger. :( It sucks.

I'll continue playing along, I wouldn't dare give them the idea that people like them, who can't even appreciate me, affects me this much. The only thing I regret is that I've let myself care for people who doesn't even give a damn if I existed or not. I'll just hope that soon enough, I'll get the chance to be with people who won't let me feel like trash.

If this feeling is just a misinterpretation of what I see, then all I can say is that they can't tell me what to feel, prior to what they show me.

Labels: Friends, Personal

I know my posts are already late because I'm catching up for updates in my life :)

Our New Year was awesome, though not that great, it was better than any one else's. No one lost a finger, no one was hurt and everybody happy.

The day before Dec 31 we were so not prepared and just doing the same normal things. Then on the exact day, my ever awesome mom found a way to have something on our table :D I was even surprised that we have Lechon :D Kahit ulo lang, lechon pa din yun :)





We've got the bar which I was supposed to drink with my Kuya but he decided to have beer instead so I was left with the bar. haha :))) We started around 8pm and was a bit tipsy by 10 so I stopped for a while to let the `tama` go down my system because I don't wanna welcome the year asleep :D

Yeah I was red and hyper :DDD lololol.

We didn't have that much paputok and Edrian wasn't also with us because he decided to stay in Pampanga for New Year, so yeah, It's a bit sad. We just had fun watching fireworks because Mom didn't buy any for the sake of practicality. Sayang nga naman ang pera kung pagkatapos ng paputok wala na :D


After Midnight everything was the same again. haha :)) The streets went quiet and I guess they all went inside their homes like us. Unfortunately for me, My tummy ached so much that made me too uncomfortable to sleep :D Blame the Bar and my pulutan. haha, but my mom said hangin daw siguro kasi tawa ako ng tawa. Thank God that I was able to sleep around 4am because the ache subsided, next morning I was back on finishing my projects again because classes resume on Jan 3 :D

Labels: Family, Holiday, Personal

YAY, I wanna start this year right by trying to revive my blogging spirits. First stop is that I've finally changed my layout and my default pic. hoho :) I'll also change my about me sections as soon as I can.

So this post will be about our Christmas Party Celebration.

Dec 13-15: It's our Periodicals and we had a very long line-up of deadline but as usual, it seems that I'm the only one who's too stressed about it in our group. Can you imagine to have your Social Studies deadline at the exact day of your Christmas Party? FML. So those days were cram cram cram :))) I have one very effective technique in cramming. `Sleep is all you need` coz if you study when you're sleepy, nothing goes into your head. :D So I was like `fuck this. I'm gonna finish this project then sleep` :))) Tapos kinabukasan na ako magrereview :D Thank God I'm exempted in some subjects as incentives to our recent activities.

On the last day of exam, I was too pissed with Lorielle and Crystel who was acting all so great in decorating and planning about our Christmas Party and almost forgot that I'm the president of the class, so yeah, I gave them the privelage of carrying that responsibility. Bahala sila, wala akong pake. So I went home early because I still have nothing to wear. It was a day of dissapointments. Really, but I don't want to tell it anymote :)

Dec 16; We woke up early because my mom and I attended the Simbang Gabi. I was the first to get up - because of excitement, maybe - then my mom. At the Church I was so sleepy very sleepy that I slept almost half of the mass but of course I listened to the homily. On our way home my mom and I just walked because we still have to drop by the market and buy ingredients for carbonara which was my assigned dish for the party. When we got home I excitedly took a bath and did all the rituals and bla bla bla for the party.

I arrived at the party early and it wasn't what I was expecting, really. It screams boring all over the place :)))) then I told the one in charge, Crystel, what was the agenda for the day and she told me she hasn't made any and all of those excuses. Kesyo hindi na nga siya nakatulog ng ayos and bla bla bla, so my usual self got pissed and rant and rant at the back of my mind. I was thinking `what the hell was that excuse? you volunteered to organize this, now you're complaining that you haven't slept yet?` So she'll just sabotage the party? ugh! I tried to pull some strings, make some plans and thankfully the videoke already arrived so we decided to start. Then at the climax of our Adrenalines, it suddenly blocked out! YEAH, and we found out that the office cut the main power because there's too many videokes and the outlets might not accomadate all of it. We were like `what the hell? It's not the first year to bring Videokes in and how can you call this a Party without electricity? :(

Labels: Friends, Personal, school

Today is the last day of 2010 and the last day of this decade. So this is probably my last post, of course. I am deeply sorry for not posting any entry this past few weeks or even months because of some teenage bullshit that occured to me.

I think I've lost my sense of blogging. I got lazy, almost on everything, it's like my mind went to a long pause that everytime an idea comes to my mind, a part of it shuts it down and I end up being `sabaw` :)

I've been through a lot of emotional stress lately that I can't find a way to summarize, really. And I think It's the reason why I can't make a decent post with one thought. Okay, Tama na :D basta masyado akong nasabaw :D

Moving forward, I would tell you about how I spent this christmas.
I would say that this year has been the loneliest and the worst year yet to come because it's been a roller coaster ride. From school to everything I've been through a lot. I've been thinking a lot about what I want for my life, about the decisions I have made and decisions I have to think of.

Christmas this year didn't feel like christmas at all, during Christmas eve I went outside our house and felt nothing, The houses were dull and the ambience was just too lonely and very different from the previous Christmases. I reminisced a lot of memories, of how we spent our christmas the other years, of how different it was. I also thought what would it be like if my dad was here to celebrate with us.

I was almost sad and furious with our overall situation this christmas because my mom was almost broke and I can seriously feel the world crisis everyone is suffering too. Our Noche Buena was just the basics, nothing glamorious unlike our last years and basta, It's too hard to describe how dull it was, but nevertheless we were able to pull it off. My mom told me it's okay at least we're still lucky to have something to eat and to be able to celebrate it with the family. We're still lucky to have food on our table.

After Christmas my dad's package came so viola :)) party party :DD lol, we've got lots of supplies again so It wasn't that sad afterall eh :) The next day we went to Pampanga to visit our lola and my cousins too :D Nanay was still the same and we thank god that she's still here with us, still strong ang kicking :D We stayed there for two days just talking about Nanay's frustration about my Uncles Family and my elder cousin who's taking the wrong decisions in life. So all in all, our family is hanging by a thread since my lolo died :( and my cousing and I were just remiscing how good life was before, how happy we still were when lolo was still here. ah, good times. :)

Happy New Year Everyone :) I still got a lot of pending entries and I don't want to mix it all up with one entry so see you all next year :)

Labels: Family, Holiday, Personal

I know I've been too busy to be with you but I want you to know that life has been good these past days and I don't want you to feel neglected. I promise to keep you, for as long as I can because you've been there during the darkest days of my teenage life. I'll never delete you. Promise. Yes I may update you once in a while but what you have is something no one, even my friends do, and I'm gonna keep you. Maybe I'll show you publicly to my real life affiliates a second before I die.

You're one of the best things I have and I'm gonna stick with you no matter how many better sites would come.

Love,
Zaira

Labels: blog, letter, Personal

The normal plan which was a movie marathon turned out to be an ICING BASH! :))) It started when my mom popped in and told everyone they have to sing Happy Birthday! :)) and you know that awkward feeling when everyone's singing you a happy birthday! haha :D I blew the cake and wished then got a knife to cut the cake but the moment it was put down! They dug their fingers in and started wiping everybody's face with icing! :))))))))))




After that the party just got more intense. hahahaha :)) laugh trip and shouting because we switched the movie to Nightmare on Elm's street :D

When the girls started to say bye I wanted to cry but did not. I just really missed gill and the day was so awesome to end. The girld went first and the boys decided to finish the movie and oh god :))) something almost happened I just can't find any words to describe it. haha.




Sorry if this post is way too late and I have another post upcoming :D

Labels: birthday, Friends, Personal

Overall my day was good, I just felt a little weird after lunch. Ang panget kasi ng panahon, I often don't feel well lately :D and the only bad thing is that the person I was expecting to care more doesn't and those whom I don't even expect to remember were the ones to greet me first, akalain mo si Lorielle yung unang sumalubong sa`kin kaninang umaga to hug me and say Happy Birthday? aww, I was actually expecting some of my closest friends, but they seem to forget. Nagulat pa nga sila and said, `ay oo nga pala, birthday ni Zai` >.<>

Labels: birthday, Family, Personal

I miss blogging, but I'm back on the state of not knowing what to blog again. hihi :))

Labels: Friends, Personal, school

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