Template : Alone in a Crowded room.
Sunday, January 9, 2011 ? 1 Watchasay? ?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too emotional or paranoid about things that cause me to feel this horrible. Sometimes I try so hard not to feel alone by trying to tell myself `it's not what it seems to be` that maybe, I just misinterpret their actions.Have you ever felt that way too? You're with a lot of people yet it seems you're alone? That you're sort of caged away? or do you think you're just the one who build up walls?
I am aware that I don't have a bestfriend - though some people tells me thay we're bestrfirends - I just don't feel THE bestfriend with them, my bestfriend. The only bestfriend I consider is my mom, Someone who likes me because of me and not because of what I can do. I have a lot of closefriends, but there are times that they don't feel that way anymore.
It sucks to be in my situation, I'm like a log on a river, just going with the flow of everything. Everyone is my friend, but I often feel left out. I can be friends with her, with them, with anyone. But times come that they're all friends and I don't have anyone. :( I'm always an exeption to the group, I don't have permanent groupmates and partners and bla bla so when the teacher tells us to group ourselves I just wait for those who's incomplete or left out too.
I started to feel this way again with the fieldtrip thing. They were all like asking everyone `sasama ka?` but me? They didn't even dare to ask me. Alam mo yung feeling na minsan gusto mo namang may magtanong kung okay ka? :(
One thing that sucks for being strong is that everyone thinks you'll stay strong. ALL THE TIME. It sucks to play along when the truth is, you're effin tired of being strong, and no one cares if you're breaking down already.
I'm tired being their spare tire, they'll just invite me when they feel obliged, they'll just include to fill up one's seat. I'm always a freakin chance passenger. :( It sucks.
I'll continue playing along, I wouldn't dare give them the idea that people like them, who can't even appreciate me, affects me this much. The only thing I regret is that I've let myself care for people who doesn't even give a damn if I existed or not. I'll just hope that soon enough, I'll get the chance to be with people who won't let me feel like trash.
If this feeling is just a misinterpretation of what I see, then all I can say is that they can't tell me what to feel, prior to what they show me.
Prince Charming. Haha
Alone in a Crowded room.